Jumping to Conclusions
by Oldest Man
Summary: An argument, a wish voiced in the midst of angry betrayal, the reality and the inability to say 'I'm sorry'.
1. Chapter 1

Been ruminating on this on and off for weeks.

Been meaning to scribble this out and never had the chance until now. Got to finish a couple of APRs unfinished Magnum Opuses (is that a word?)

I might call this Jumping to Conclusions but it depends.

* * *

><p>Untitled by Oldest Man<p>

12th Precinct  
>Homicide Squad Bay<br>9:45am

Beckett hated being late for anything but being late for work was #1 on her 'hate being late for…' list. She hadn't slept much the night before – okay, she hadn't slept at all until sometime around 4am when she'd cried herself to sleep. She kept rehashing the argument she'd had with her ex-fiance, Richard Castle. It had all been one-sided.

'Yeah,' she thought to herself, 'yeah, _ex_ is the appropriate prefix.'

He was selfish and arrogant and egotistical and self-centered and untrustworthy.

The evidence: Natalie Rhodes had answered his phone at 1am and had to _wake him up_ to take her call. The final nail in the Castle/Beckett coffin had been Natalie's comment.

"I sure was wrong about him. He's definitely not gay!"

When he took the call and said 'Hello' she unloaded on him.

She was done with him. She told him to _'stay in California and I'll pray for the Big One to hit, right underneath your studio, Castle, and I hope it swallows up you and your Nikki Heat slut and spits you down to Hell!_'

That was the most memorable part of the conversation. He'd tried to explain something to her but she'd been so shocked and angry at his betrayal that she didn't even recognize any of the sounds as words.

"_We're done. I'll leave your damned glass bauble at the loft, you cheating son of a bitch!_"

It had been the last time she'd spoken to him and it was the last thing he heard her say.

She still had it on. It wasn't a glass bauble by any means. It was perfect and she hadn't even been with him when he picked it out.

'_What am I going to tell people? He cheated on me? He fell back into his old habits? He never was the man I thought he was?'_

She got off the elevator and turned on her phone. It was another sign of her distraction that she'd turned it off in order to avoid any of Castle's calls. She wouldn't have done that 3 months ago. Three months ago she was a focused homicide detective. Last night she'd been a heartbroken woman sobbing into a quart of Chunky Monkey.

She threw her purse down on his chair and turned on her computer and started her abbreviated day.

Kate checked her phone while the system came on-line and saw that she had 5 voicemails and 5 text messages.

Text #1 Kate, pick up the damned phone – Rick

Text #2 Please pick up the phone, Kate – Rick

Text #3 I'm coming home. Pick me up at A/P 4:30pm – RC

Text #4 Sorry. Taking TransCon Flt 221 to LaGuardia – RC

And the final text – I love you, Kate. Always.

She keyed her voice mail and listened to increasingly desperate messages from Castle. She didn't understand. It wasn't what she thought it was. She needed to talk to him. She was jumping to conclusions. He'd explain everything when he got home.

"Where's Castle, Kate? Still in L.A.?"

She looked up and saw Lanie who was looking at her with concern. _The eyes. She's seen my eyes._

"According to his text he's somewhere over the central US. He expects me to pick him up at the airport. He's coming in on some TransCon flight to LaGuardia. Well, guess what? The son of a bitch can just take a cab. I'm through with him, the lying, cheating, philandering, son of a bitch of an ex-fiance. I never should have – "

"Yo, Beckett, what flight did you say Castle was on?"

"I didn't, Esposito. Mind your own damned business and do some paperwork or run up someone's financials. I better not see you surfing the damned – "

"Beckett! Shut up and answer the damned question! What flight? Are you sure he said TransCon?" Esposito never talked to her that way and even Lanie shot him a look of impending doom.

"Yeah, so what? Do your job, Esposito."

She felt him looming over her and when she looked up she realized that she'd never seen Esposito so upset.

"What flight is Rick on? It's important, Kate. What's the flight number?"

She gave an exasperated sigh and took her phone out and checked his texts. "Flight 221 arriving around 4:30 at LaGuardia, why? You going to go pick up your buddy? Don't bring him back here, Esposito. And you're taking personal time for the little trip to the airport."

He went back and pulled up a news site and Lanie turned when he said, "Aw, Castle." She walked over and read the news over his shoulder and then looked over at Kate.

"His plane went down somewhere out west. All 141 passengers and crew – Kate, there were no survivors.

Kate froze, unable to move or speak. His last text message – she'd never hear him whisper it in her ear or text her or leave it in a little note in her shoe. He'd never tease her about her giggling while making love, he'd never bug her to drive, to try a new restaurant, to marry him before Xmas.

He was gone. Her field of vision narrowed and finally she fell from her chair.

* * *

><p>There's another chapter or so and then the end. No one lives forever. Everyone leaves. No one wins. Life is an unwinnable game.<p>

OM


	2. Chapter 2

Jumping to Conclusions by Oldest Man  
>Part 2<p>

* * *

><p>Beverly Hilton<br>Los Angeles CA  
>Castle's suite<br>The Day Before

The film crew had worked non-stop since sunup trying to get the last few shots 'into the can' so they could wrap up the film and send it to the film editors. They were ahead of schedule and under budget and that meant money for the producers and a good shot at a Christmas opening.

Natalie Rhodes had been extraordinary in her portrayal of Nikki Heat and Castle had showered her with well-deserved praise and she'd lapped it up like a starving puppy.

"Rick, since I did so well, can you do me one favor before you head back to New York and Beckett?" She looked at him with those big brown eyes and he knew he was in trouble. Kate and Natalie were so different and yet so similar that sometimes he could close his eyes and swear that Kate Beckett was saying the lines of dialogue he'd written.

"What? I'm keeping my clothes on, whatever it is."

She'd popped him in the arm just like Beckett would have done and laughed.

"No disrobing required, Rick, although if you want, I can help you take off _my_ clothes later." She liked, probably loved, Castle and would have screwed his brains out every night he was here except that he'd made it very clear from the start that he and Beckett were engaged and getting married.

"Nat, give it a rest, will ya? Now, what's this favor?"

"Take me and my son shopping for his school clothes? I don't know a damned thing about kids' school clothes and school starts in a month and I have no idea what he needs."

"You have a son?"

"David is my son. I got knocked up when I first got out here and – I'm never going to discuss the father. David is 6 going on 35 and he thinks I'm some kind of star-slut. I really need a guy's input and help. C'mon, Rick, I need help."

"Fine. When?"

"Right now. He's in my trailer playing video games and this is the perfect time. I promise I'll buy us all dinner when you're done. C'mon, Rick, please?"

"No way, Nat. I'm not doing this on an empty stomach. Feed us first and then we'll hit the – oh, crap – the mall."

Natalie started to laugh and Rick fixed her with his patented glare and she said "I was so wrong about you in New York, Castle. You're so not gay. That's the most heterosexual response I've seen outta you since you got here. Definitely not gay."

"Not funny. I can't believe you asked Beckett if I was gay."

"I can't believe you told me 'no' when I asked you to sleep with me for 'research purposes'. I can't believe you still say 'no'."

"Natalie, I told you. You don't listen and when you do, you don't believe me. This leopard has changed his spots. I have one woman in my life and I'm going to marry her if I have to wage war on Heaven itself."

"Well, I was serious about what I said in New York. If it doesn't work out with Beckett, I'm next in line. You've ruined me for other men, Rick. I'll have to find one just like you before I can be happy. Unless…"

"Let's find your son. Video games? I like him already."

* * *

><p>The kid was small for his age and nerdy looking. Castle liked him immediately.<p>

"So, you're David and your mom says she's read you parts of my books. What do you think of them?" He was serious. The boy could see that and so despite his shyness he was honest – brutally honest.

"I think the sex parts were boring. I mean, I know what goes on, but why all this painful emotional crap? Really, Castle, if it feels good, do it. Right?"

"Hey, Natalie – are you sure this isn't some joke? This kid's brutal and will probably grow up to be a critic. And you shouldn't be reading him the PG-13 stuff."

"I warned you, Rick. David's honest. You should hear some of the things he says to me. He taught himself how to read and he has tutors on the set. He's a smart little guy."

Castle looked at the young boy and smirked. "I'd better not hear you calling her names, David. She works hard and she's doing it for you as well as herself."

David looked at Natalie and smirked and Castle could swear he'd seen the same smirk in the mirror many times. Okay, time for plan B.

"Do you love your mom? I mean, sure, she's beautiful and sexy but she's also funny and caring and she takes care of you when she could just as easily have dumped you into the system and gone about her business."

"Castle! All I asked you to do was give me some advice on clothes, not go all Dr. Phil on us. Jesus, David, you don't have to answer any – "

"Yeah, I love her. I just hate that she takes off her clothes to make money. I get looks sometimes and teased. The other guys, especially the older ones, well, they make jokes about her." He was in kindergarten and Castle remembered well how hellish being in school back in the day could be. Kids were cruel without meaning to be. Some of them never grew out of it.

"David, I never knew my dad but my mom was an actress and did what it took to keep me safe and fed and clothed. Single moms have a hard row to hoe. Kids come first, just like you come first with Natalie."

"Yeah, I know that but it doesn't make going to school any easier."

Rick glanced over at Natalie and saw how the conversation had affected her. He'd never seen her cry. She always struck him as a Beckett clone in that respect. Kate Beckett would never cry. Score one for Natalie.

"Hey, I think my stomach is telling me it's time to eat. David, what about you? Hungry? Feel like – pizza?"

"Yeah! Mom, can we, huh? Pizza? You can go off your diet for one night, right?"

"Diet? Natalie Rhodes, you don't need to diet. Between your work schedule and the physical activity on the set, the last thing you need to do is watch your calories."

She colored, pleased that someone noticed and appreciated the hard work she did. Acting was more than just saying the lines with the right emotions. There were physical requirements, especially in the Nikki Heat movie.

"Yeah, okay, pizza. Castle, I'm damned glad you're going home soon or I'd never get another – um, y'know, a certain kind of role?" She was referring to gaining weight and he just smiled thinking that she meant nude shots.

"And that would be bad why? You're an actress and shouldn't rely solely on cheap 'shots' to get roles. Hell, do you think for one second that Beckett would ever do any of the things that Nikki Heat does?"

"Rick, for your sake, I sincerely hope she does." Her smirk was a killer and Castle knew when to shut up.

"Food, Nat. You promised. Then, David, we men have a mission – to buy clothes and then escape from the evil Unworld known as – The Mall." He tousled the boy's hair, wondering if someday he'd have a son of his own to tease and love and nurture.

* * *

><p>The Dreaded Mall<p>

The trip to the mall was well organized and the tasks were accomplished in an almost military manner. They got in, found the objects they needed, and made their escape without harm.

"Jesus, Castle, that went well. We got everything I could imagine he'd need. I need you to reserve this week next year and the next and – "

"It was simple. Shirts, pants, underwear, socks, shoes, a jacket, a raincoat, some cool t-shirts, a backpack and we were done and it didn't cost you a fortune either."

"That's because you waved your magic AMEX card around and had the salespeople running to get selections while we sat on our butts and waited and chose and then waited and chose and – "

"Let's ask the man of the hour. Dave, would you rather walk around aimlessly following Natalie around while she looks, touches, tries on, has you try on, can't decide and then repeats the process until you beg for mercy or – the Castle method?"

"Definitely the Castle method. See Mom, I told ya a guy knows what a guy needs. Simple. Thanks for the t-shirts, Rick. _She_ would never think of them."

"Hey, _she_ has a name. Use it. Now, it's been a long day and I have meetings tomorrow with the village idiots so take me home, Natalie."

* * *

><p>Beverly Hilton<br>Los Angeles CA  
>Castle's suite<p>

David had to use the bathroom so Castle invited them up to his suite and barely made it inside before collapsing into a Lazy-Boy. He was asleep within seconds.

David had finished in the bathroom and found his mother sitting down just staring at Rick.

"You like him, doncha, Mom?" He could see it in her face.

"What's not to like? He's nice, charming, sexy, good with kids, kind, thoughtful but he's someone else's, Davie. If only I'd have gotten to him first – but he's hers now. Ready to head home?"

"You just gonna leave him there?"

"Yeah. He's a big boy. He can take care of – " His cell rang a couple of times and he hadn't moved a muscle. She reached into his sports coat pocket and saw it was Beckett. It was 1am in New York but only 9pm in L.A.

"Hello?" She wondered what Kate wanted this late?

"Who the hell is this?" Natalie looked at David with an almost frightened look on her face. She hadn't considered how it would look – sound – to Kate if she answered Castle's phone.

"Un, it's Natalie, Beckett, Natalie Rhodes. Rick's asleep. Wore him out. He's definitely not gay. Had a long day and then I – " She was laughing, remembering some of Rick's antics with her son.

"Put him on the phone. Wake him up. I need to talk to him, right damned now!"

"Rick, Rick, hey, babe, it's Kate Beckett. She doesn't sound like she wants to leave a message, Rick. Here. Talk to her." _Better you than me, Rick. Jesus, she sounds like such a bitch – _

"Hey, Kate. What time is it? What's wrong?"

"Wait a minute. That's not true. Nothing – "

"Damn it, Kate. Let me explain – "

"You've got it all wrong. You've come to conclusions that just aren't – "

"Kate, baby, please. You don't mean that, do you? Let me expla – "

"She hung up. She told me to stay here and she was going to pray for an earthquake that would swallow me up. She's giving me back my ring. This is madness. She must be on something."

"Rick, I answered your phone. She knows how I feel about you. I've never made it a secret from you or her. You know what she thought. Call her. Make her understand. Hell, give me the damned phone. I'll call her."

"No. I can't do this over the phone. I need to get back to New York. I'll catch the first flight back after my meeting with the village idiots. I'll fix it.

"Well, we're heading home. Go to sleep. I'm sure she'll call you a million times and apologize. Do you need a ride to the airport?"

"Nah. Gotta drop off the rental. Thanks. Hey, Dave, call me if you just want to talk. I'll see you the next trip out."

Natalie kissed him softly on the lips and then she and her son left Castle to his nightmares.

He called her 5 times and she ignored the calls so he left voice mail messages. He made reservations and sent her texts with his flight and arrival times and asked her to pick him up.

He had a plan.


	3. Chapter 3

Jumping to Conclusions by Oldest Man

Part 3

New York

Word of the death of Richard Castle splashed across the television, internet and print media. Kate was deluged with calls requesting interviews, accosted by reporters outside her apartment demanding answers to shouted questions and her photograph was plastered all over the tabloids.

They were still trying to get word to Martha and Alexis but they were on a river safari in the Congo and communications were spotty at the best of times and this was not one of those times.

A delegation from TransCon airlines came to visit her at Castle's loft where she was staying more to be away from the press than to be 'near' him. She would mourn him as a friend and co-worker but his betrayal wouldn't allow her to do more than that.

"Ms. Beckett, the TransCon family extends its deepest sympathies for your loss. A check is being prepared and will be delivered by registered mail to Mr. Castle's attorneys. Is there anything we can do for you?"

"When will you be releasing – the remains? His family will want to have – I don't know what arrangements they wish to make but I'm sure knowing his remains have been recovered will bring them some comfort."

"Um, well, you see, the sudden cessation of horizontal flight and the onset of near vertical acceleration and impact have made the recovery and identification of remains – difficult."

"You mean that you can't separate one body from another because your aircraft left a huge gouge over 300 yards long and then exploded, don't you?"

"Several sections of the aircraft cabin have not been located. The debris is spread over several square miles because the aircraft began breaking up soon after horizontal flight ceased. The terrain is difficult and just getting to the impact zone has required – "

"Cut the crap. Have you found his body or not?"

"As I said – "

"Here's my card. Contact me when you have something definitive to offer rather than corporate platitudes."

She pointed to the door and told them to get out.

She walked upstairs to his bedroom and pulled out the shirt he last wore from the clothes hamper, tore off her own clothing and put on the shirt and then crawled into his bed and tried to sleep.

_This was going to be __our__ bed. He promised me. He told me he'd changed. He told me I was the only woman he ever wanted to wake up with, to make love with and to grow old and die with._

_He lied. _

_God, how was it possible to love and hate the same person?_

* * *

><p>Los Angeles<p>

Castle's death made the news, of course. The cast and executives of the movie, _Heat Wave, _were all contacted for interviews. Only one of the stars refused any comments to the press, Natalie Rhodes. Hollywood being Hollywood, the press immediately smelled blood in the water and pursued her for comments regardless of where she went or with whom she was with – her son.

"No comment. Talk with the studio. No comment." It became her mantra. The studio PR people loved it. It smacked of something sordid and unsavory and in Hollywood that translated into big bucks. Everyone loved someone else's pain. The supermarket tabloids were proof of that.

Natalie was devastated and felt responsible for Castle's death. She was the one who answered his phone. She made the snarky comments and now she carried the pain of her own guilt. She cried almost all the time and her son didn't know what to do.

She had finally admitted to herself that she'd fallen for Richard Castle. It made working with him day in and day out difficult but she treasured the private moments they had together. It was a hopeless love but she loved him anyway. It made her guilt all the harder to bear.

_Did I subconsciously try to undermine Rick's relationship with Beckett? Did I cause his death?_

She didn't know the answer. She only knew one way to get her answers. She glanced at her watch and frowned. Maybe it was too early to call. Maybe she was finally getting some rest. Maybe she was out celebrating her liberation.

She dialed a number from her contact list and listened to the phone ring and ring. It finally went to voice mail. She called it again. And finally she answered with her short 'Beckett, what the hell do you want, Natalie?'

"Hello, Beckett. Don't hang up on me. You owe it to Rick to listen to what I have to say and then you can hang up and continue hating him for something he didn't do. Are you willing to listen?"

* * *

><p>New YorkLos Angeles

Kate listened without doing more than grunting in response to Rhodes' questioning whether she was 'still listening?' She couldn't do more that grunt because if she did, she'd end up screaming in anguish.

"That's it, Beckett. That's the sordid truth. The man was a friggin' saint and you made his last hours on Earth – well, y'know he said something once that really made an impression on me."

Natalie heard the grunt. Again.

He said 'I have one woman in my life and I'm going to marry her if I have to wage war on Heaven itself'. Y'know, I think he would, too. So, that's it. I'm flying out to New York for the – funeral and I'll see you then. I – I can't help thinking that if things had been different – " She hung up.

She couldn't listen to Beckett's breathing and that disgusting grunt that seemed to say _'I'm listening but couldn't care less'_. She couldn't even share the silences with her.

Castle was better off wherever he was now. She couldn't imagine a man so full of life shackled by love's fetters to a woman who didn't love him back with the same fire and passion.

Yeah. He was definitely better off.

* * *

><p>New York<p>

"Lanie, can you come over to Castle's? Please? I need to talk to my best friend."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes. Want me to bring Esposito?"

"No. The fewer people who know, the better. Please come."

"In 20."

Lanie's mind was full of questions. Beckett's attitude, even after her collapse at hearing the news, was not what you'd expect of someone who'd just lost her 'one and done'. She was cold and almost indifferent, making all the right noises and doing all the right things but she seemed detached from it all.

* * *

><p>The loft<p>

Kate threw open the door to the loft almost before Lanie's knuckles had struck it a second time. She didn't even have time to focus on the blur at the door before it attacked her, wrapping itself around her and sobbing "He's gone, Lanie, and I was so hateful to him."

Lanie sighed and waited out the emotional meltdown. She couldn't understand a word Kate was sobbing into her shoulder but figured she'd hear it later when Kate calmed down.

Poor Lanie's curiosity was piqued but an exhausted Kate slipped into a deep sleep, emotionally empty and exhausted from the past 24 hours.

* * *

><p>Well, there you have it. A fertile plain for the almost last chapters. Anyone seen a body lying around?<p>

OM


	4. Chapter 4

Don't hate me...lol

* * *

><p>Jumping to Conclusions by Oldest Man<br>Chapter 4

Location: _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_

He hurt. All over. He could taste dried blood on his lips. Oh God, it hurt. He heard voices; a child's voice and another. He slipped back into a deep sleep and waited for the nightmare to end.

Location: _Somewhere you can't find me_

"Don't move, mister. Lady, he's…"

"Shh. Yeah, I know. That's 3 of us out of 9. See what you can scrounge. Don't move around much though. Try to ignore the others, honey. They can't hurt you."

"Is he going to die?"

"I don't know, Sweetie. Now, be careful. See if there's anything to drink back there in the galley. There should be a small refrigerator someplace. The attendants were getting ready to serve beverages when - ."

Location: _HellifIknow_

"Mister, wake up. The lady says you have to drink some water. It's to keep you from dying. Open wide, Mister. My mom always says that. It's water."

"Hurts. Where…we?"

"Don't look at the other people 'cause they're dead. Drink."

He couldn't swallow and choked on the liquid. He hurt all over and was so tired he couldn't even open his eyes. His breathing slowed and then -

* * *

><p>He felt different. He felt 25 again. The pain was gone and so was the bitter cold that seemed to get into his bones and sap the heat from him.<p>

"Richard Rogers, age 40, single, survived by one daughter, Alexis Castle (Arrival Date: 2063) and a mother, Martha (Arrival Date 2028). Mr. Rogers, welcome. I'm your Guide for the initial orientation prior to your Determination. I'm sure you have questions."

_They always had questions – especially the ones who passed suddenly. Questions, demands, weeping, wailing, telling him that it was a mistake._

"Where am I?" _Guide sighed. At least this one was predictable._

"You're at a Way Station. Some wags call it Limbo while others, Purgatory. Yes, Richard, may I call you Richard? Yes, Richard, you are dead."

"Well, that sucks. I don't want to be dead. I have something I have to do. I have to make her understand that it was all a horrible misunderstanding. I have to tell her she was wrong and that I love her. I need to go back. I have unfinished business."

"Sorry. You died. There is no going back." _So predictable._

"Well, damn it, you're not the final arbiter. I want to speak to the Almighty, Jehovah, Yahweh, whatever name you use."

"Jesse." _This will really be a pleasant experience._

"Jesse? God's name is 'Jesse'? That's not even Old Testament. Whatever He calls Himself, I need to speak to Him.

_The rules forbid it but what the Heaven, Jesse had never conducted an actual interview and it wouldn't hurt one bit to see what Guides had to put up with._

"Mr. Rogers – "

"Rick. Just Rick."

"Fine. Wait here. I'll be back shortly. I have to see when Jesse can see you."

"Hey, can I get a cup of coffee? I'm really parched for some reason."

"Mister – Rick. Just imagine a cup in your hand and you'll have it. This is Almost-Heaven and most things are possible."

There was a slight 'pop' in the air and the Guide was gone. Another 'pop' and Rick's much-needed cup of coffee appeared in his hand, perfect temperature, perfect amount of sugar and an exquisite roast. His thirst was suddenly out of control and he sucked the blessed liquid into his mouth and sighed. Nirvana in a cup.

But it didn't quench his thirst. It didn't even touch it.

He took in his surroundings for the first time. A meadow that hadn't seen rain in a while. The grass was brown and crackled under his feet when he turned. There appeared to be mountains in the distance but he'd never seen mountains that high before.

Another 'pop' and a young woman of 25 or so appeared. She was wearing a Denver Broncos football jersey, jeans and flip-flops. Her long dark hair was in a ponytail and she wasn't wearing any makeup.

"Ok, Rogers. You have 30 seconds." She looked at him impatiently and he just gaped. Her eyes were a kaleidoscope of changing colors and she impatiently tapped a delicate fingernail on the bezel of her watch.

He blurted out his situation and for just a brief instant he thought he saw something like pity flood her eyes but it was gone almost before he realized it had been there.

"No. Sorry. No can do. I admit it sucks but that's the way it went down. Now, I have things to do. Welcome to the Way Station, Rogers. Don't dally. Determination is scheduled for this afternoon."

There was that 'pop' again and she was gone.

What the hell was 'Determination'? Guide had mentioned it and now the girl had used the word again.

His thirst seemed all-consuming and he imagined a tall glass of ice water and 'pop', it was in his hand, the glass all sweaty and the water as sweet as any he'd ever tasted.

"Well, Rick, I tried. Jesse will try to drop by momentarily. Amazing. The last time Jesse intervened was – let me think – never."

"A young woman popped by and told me 'no, sorry no can do'. I suppose His Almightiness sent her. She certainly looked like an angel."

Guide started to cough suddenly and Castle handed him the refilled ice water glass.

"You mean Jesse's already been here? Oh, my. She must have really been interested in your situation."

"You mean that was – "

Guide nodded his head. "Yep. And before you ask, 'no' means 'no'. Now, your Determination will be held this afternoon. It's a mere formality. I'm sure you'll get a most excellent placement since Jesse actually made an appearance. Amazing." Another 'pop' and Castle was alone again.

"Bloody irritating when they do that, isn't it, luv?"

Castle was startled by a soft voice that seemed to whisper in his ear. He turned and stepped back in surprise.

"Oh, c'mon, mate. It isn't as if ye haven't seen a woman before now, is it?" And it _was_ a woman. She was almost as tall as he was and she was standing well within his personal comfort zone. And she was wearing almost nothing at all.

"Look, let's take this conversation somewhere a little more intimate, shall we, luv?" A 'pop' and a tug and they were standing at a bar in a 1940s nightclub. He was wearing a tuxedo from the period and she was wearing an off-the-shoulder gown and was holding a martini glass in one hand and a long ebony cigarette holder in the other. There was a band playing some dance music and men in uniform and women in elegant gowns danced to the music.

"Better? I love this time. It's so full of desperate people in a desperate time. So, to business. I understand you were turned down by the Almighty in person. That's never happened before. I mean the 'in person' part. That caught my attention, luv, and I did a quick replay and I heard what ye said."

Castle was clueless about what he'd said. The woman was just about the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on but there was something 'off' about her until he looked into her eyes. They lacked a defining color and when he looked into them he thought he saw something like desperation in them.

"What I said?" She laughed and he had to smile. It was a sexy laugh, deep and throaty but also a little sad, almost as if she didn't really have reason to laugh often.

" Let's see, yeah. '_I have one woman in my life and I'm going to marry her if I have to wage war on Heaven itself.' _That's a bold statement if ever I heard one and I do believe you would."

The look she gave him almost burned him with its intensity. She reached up and took a clip from her hair and let it fall, shaking her head to loosen the long reddish tresses from their bonds.

"Let's go someplace where we can talk." 'Pop' and they were in bed, naked, and from the way she was looking at him, about to have mind-blowing sex.

"Ah, this is so much more to my liking. Now, to business before I pleasure you. I'm recruiting a team, a force, to right some ancient wrongs and I've found my general in you. Castle, I want to stage a coup d'etat and overthrow the current Heavenly Host and bring in some new blood. Lots of new blood. In exchange for that, I'll send you back, guarantee you that what has happened to you will never have happened and that you and Kate will have the life most can only dream about."

Rick stammered and stuttered in utter shock. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm known by many names, Richard Castle, but since we're about to become intimately acquainted, you can call me by my real name – Luci." Something about her eyes made him realize that she was being truthful.

"You want me to – kill The Almighty? Are you out of your mind?"

"Oh, Hades, no! Nothing of the sort. I just need to get Jesse's attention and bring the Double-H to the negotiating table."

"Double-H?" He was totally lost.

"Heavenly Host! Have ye no religious training? No proper up-bringing? Are ye blind to what is going on around ye?" Luci seemed mortified that she had to explain such simple concepts to him.

"No wonder business has been so damned good lately. You've lost yer roots as a species. It's a bloody wonder the Trumpet hasn't sounded and ended ye all long before this."

Castle recoiled in horror as Luci morphed into Kate Beckett and tried to kiss him.

"No! I won't do it. This isn't right. Something's wrong. I know you now. I know who you are – you're Lucif – "

"Oh no you don't." She reached a long gnarled finger and pushed it deep into his chest and sighed. Another opportunity lost.

Location: _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_

Jesse breathed a sigh of relief. Another soul saved from the eternal fires.

* * *

><p>'Canyon Country'<br>USMC Search & Rescue Helicopter

"We better head in. Fuel state is – whoa, what the hell was that?"

"I don't know but we're 12 miles off course. It was like a huge gust of wind – Hey! What's that 40 degrees to port? Looked like a flash of sunlight on metal. I'm going down to take a look."

4 Hours Later

"Beckett." She didn't bother looking at the caller ID. She didn't care who called. She had the same terse response – No Damned Comment! - on the tip of her tongue when she heard a man's hoarse voice whisper '_Kate_'.

She heard some fumbling on the phone and then a woman's voice asking if she could _please_ talk since no one would be able to understand him.

"Ms. Beckett, this is Major Mara Downs at 29 Palms Marine Training Base. Our SAR team picked up three survivors from the TransCon flight and one of them demanded to speak with you before he'd let us do more than give him water and hang an IV. Ms. Beckett? Are you there, ma'am?"

"This is Dr. Parish and I'm a friend of Ms. Beckett's. She's a little overcome with emotion right now. Can you give me a run-down on injuries and prognosis? And also, where are you and how do we get there?"

* * *

><p>One or two chapters remaining. Happy Monday, toilers.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

A little longer than I preferred. Have a lot to finish. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

29 Palms Marine Training Base29 Palms, CA

After his one-word conversation with Beckett, Castle was whisked into the Marine hospital and examined. The doctor walked out of the exam room shaking his head, amazed that anyone, let alone three people, could have survived such a horrific event.

Once the trio were given immediate treatment, they would be transferred to a civilian facility but until then they were the responsibility of the USMC. There was a total news blackout pending notification of next of kin but the flacks from TransCon had already been in contact with the Base and were demanding access.

* * *

><p>New York<br>The Loft

Lanie was worried about Kate's reaction to the Major's phone call. Instead of the joy she'd expected, it was more like subdued grief and apprehension.

Lanie had spent the night at the loft keeping an eye on her friend who had slipped into an exhausted sleep within minutes of her arrival. Beckett had sobbed her way through a disjointed story of how she'd jumped to conclusions and ended up killing her future. Lanie had struggled to understand Kate but finally just gave up and rubbed circles on her back until she fell asleep.

She fell asleep herself but was awakened by Beckett's phone. She watched Kate lurch, only half awake, to the table where she'd left it and then answer and collapse again into a sobbing mess on the nearest chair, muttering 'he's alive' and thrusting the phone into her hands.

Kate had taken a shower, dressed in one of Castle's pullovers and her own jeans and was busy trying to find out how to get to 29 Palms, California and the USMC Training Base located just on the outskirts of town.

The Major had no idea of Castle's medical condition and when Lanie had pressed her for details the woman had simply stated that he and two other survivors had been airlifted out of a mountainous region and that he had demanded a cell phone once he'd regained consciousness. She was not a medic or physician and handled Public Information for the base.

Lanie made coffee and took two cups with her into Castle's office. "Here. Any luck finding us a way out to this 29 Palms place?"

"It's in the Mojave Desert. It's about 50 miles from Palm Springs. Once I get to Palm Springs, I rent a car and drive to the base. 29 Palms is 60 miles or so from Palm Springs."

"Kate, I said 'we', not 'you'. I'm going with you if only to translate the medical jargon and explain what's going on with him. I can get nothing from the Major. She's just a public relations officer."

"Lanie – what if he – what if he won't forgive me? What if he wants to end it? I was so cruel and I never gave him a chance to explain. What if he won't forgive me?"

"Like that's even a remote possibility? This is Richard Castle we're talking about here. You'll need to call his agent and have her get something out to the press and also have her update those folks looking for his mom and Alexis."

"Yeah. And I need to call – I need to call Natalie. She deserves to know. And she can take care of the film end of this. Yeah."

"Maybe I'd better talk to Rhodes. You need to call Paula and stop the damned rumor mill and press from turning this into a 3-ring circus."

"Yeah. We're going to need nurses and special equipment – "

"Kate, we don't even know the extent of his injuries. Let's hold off on buying a hospital until we know that, okay?"

"Yeah. I got to call Paula." She hurried from the room and into Rick's office to make her calls. She was uncomfortable with calling Natalie Rhodes but owed the woman something for her candor and honesty about what really happened in L.A. She couldn't believe she'd overlooked something as fundamental as the time difference and had just assumed that it was late and that they'd been making the beast with two backs all night. It had been 1am in New York when she'd called – not 1am in L.A. Just one more stupid move on her part.

"Paula, Kate Beckett. Listen – he's alive!" The rest of the conversation had to be done in spurts since both women were overcome with joy and Paula had to ask 'are you sure?' at least 10 times.

She hung up and leaned back in his desk chair. She organized her thoughts and then dialed Natalie Rhodes' number from her list. It rang and went to voice mail and she cursed and redialed several times until finally she answered.

"What, Beckett? Calling to twist the knife? Jesus, you are a piece of work, Katherine. I can't believe – "

"Natalie, Rick's alive! I got a call and he said my name and then some Marine officer took the phone away and told me there were survivors. He's at 29 Palms Marine Training Base. Lanie and I are flying out there just as soon as we can get a flight to L.A. and then a connection to Palm Springs. He's alive!"

The call had gone better than Kate had expected or deserved. Natalie offered to handle the press on the West Coast and the studio's flacks would arrange anything she needed in the way of medical transportation. "This whole thing is a miracle and they'll play it up really big in the press but I can guarantee you privacy. Castle's clout is pretty big and they won't want to risk offending any of you."

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Training Base<br>USMC Hospital

Castle was in recovery and things were looking up medically for him. Of the three survivors, his injuries were the more complicated. He had hole in his heart.

It looked like someone had jabbed a finger into it. There was a round entry wound in his sternum that looked like it had been cauterized but the surgical team found no sign of what caused it. The surgeon had been in Iraq and Afghanistan and had seen his share of wounds, but nothing like this.

And Castle was still alive. His heart was still beating. It just had a nickel-sized hole through it that they had repaired.

He also had two broken wrists from where his seat had crashed into those in front of his when it had broken loose from its moorings. That also explained the contusions and swelling on the face and jaw and throat.

The human body was not designed to decelerate from 300 mph to 0 mph abruptly. The other adult survivor had similar broken bones and contusions from throwing up her arms to shield herself when her seat tore loose and sailed into the bulkhead like Castle's had. The child was physically fine, just dehydrated and frightened. They were trying to locate his parents without much luck.

He wrote transfer orders for the woman and child but Castle would be a guest of the USMC for a while yet. The doctor wasn't risking his patient to some small town quacks.

* * *

><p>Los Angeles<p>

Natalie finished crying and then began making phone calls. It took her an hour to set everything up with the studios, the public relations firm, and her agent. She made arrangements with her nanny to take care of David and then she drove to 29 Palms Marine Training Base.

During the long drive Natalie formulated a plan of attack. It was war and everything was fair in love and war. The objective was the heart of one Richard Edgar Castle. She intended to strike quickly and efficiently and make the most of the time she had before the 'Bitch Cop' showed her face. This time the time difference would work in their favor – 'their' being Natalie and Rick. She'd have 4 hours on them because of the flight time.

She knew the odds were stacked against her but she had one thing in her favor: she hadn't trashed Castle's heart by jumping to conclusions and basically telling him that he couldn't be trusted. She knew that Beckett was terrified of having her heart broken and had always held off committing herself fully to any relationship. She'd wriggled that fact out of Beckett during a 'girls' night' with Lanie. Beckett always had one emotional foot out the relationship door.

Natalie took stock of the situation. Castle loved Beckett. Beckett 'loved' Castle but not enough to give him the benefit of the doubt and listen to an explanation before trashing their relationship. Beckett had a temper and had unleashed it against an innocent and unsuspecting Castle. That was where he would be the most vulnerable – Kate's temper and lack of trust.

The Marine sentries had stopped her and listened patiently – okay, listened but spent most of their time gawking at her tanned boobs housed in an almost indecently translucent tank top – and finally allowed her to drive on to the hospital to see 'if the crash survivor' was her boyfriend, Richard Castle of 'Nikki Heat' fame.

* * *

><p>JFK Airport<p>

"Come on, Lanie. We're going to miss the damned flight if security takes too long to do their fondling and sniffing."

"Anyone grabs any of Lanie Parish's stuff will soon make an intimate acquaintance with one of my colleagues. A girl's got her standards and I don't see any of those TSA goons carrying wine, chocolates and flowers so – no touch!"

"Don't make me late, Lanie, please! Just suck it up. It's not like they're going to follow you home or anything."

It was Kate who caused the delay. A Glock 40 sent alarms ringing and waving her badge did little to make the security people just wave her on through.

The missed their flight and were wait-listed on three others and one of those was to San Francisco, even further from her goal than L.A. Her mistake.

She had made another mistake by being blinded by her emotions. First she'd accused Rick of cheating on her with Natalie and then the got so swept up in her dash for the airport that she forgot her weapon – and backup.

'_I need to keep focused. These errors in judgment are costly.'_

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Hospital<p>

"Ms. Rhodes, he's unconscious but stable and his stats are improving faster than we would normally expect. You can sit with him, of course. If he wakes, summon a nurse immediately so we can begin a pain management regimen. Other than that, he's all yours."

Natalie smiled and wished that were true. Castle looked so small and shrunken lying in the hospital bed with all the tubes and hoses and IV things attached. Both arms were in casts up to the elbow with just the fingertips exposed so she hung on to his fingers and waited for him to wake up. His face was a mess and she figured, correctly, that only one of his eyes was capable of opening. The other was swollen shut.

"Oh, Rick, look at what she's done to you. She's no good for you, sweetheart. Beckett's poison. Too much baggage and she's so damned untrusting and suspicious and this is the damned result. You need me in your life, someone who loves you and would quit her job in a heartbeat if you asked her to be by your side. I love you, Castle, and I only want to be with you and spend the rest of my life making you happy instead of miserable."

Castle was on the edge of consciousness and the first throbbing pain began wearing away at the blessed darkness. He heard someone telling him that only she could make him happy for the rest of his life.

He grunted in pain and after some time he felt a coolness sweeping through his veins and the pain went away. The voice started again. He knew the voice but couldn't put a face to it. The more she talked, the better he seemed to feel.

Natalie had summoned the nurse the minute Castle had begun making grunting noises from pain. The nurse checked his vitals and then injected something into his IV port and then explained the pain management system and what to do with it.

The nurse had casually mentioned 'the burned hole in his heart' and Natalie found herself crying against his thigh and talking to him about a possible future for them.

* * *

><p>JFK Airport<p>

Beckett was angry at the world. They'd missed their first flight and there were no cancellations on their next wait-list and so they re-booked a flight directly to LA but it wouldn't arrive until almost 2am California time.

She couldn't explain it but she felt like Rick was slipping away from her every moment she sat in the lounge waiting for a flight. It was like nothing she'd ever experienced before and she had such a feeling of desperate foreboding.

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Hospital<p>

"You're awake again! I'll get the nurse, Rick. Damn, but you scared me nearly to death. Promise me you won't die on me, baby, because I don't think I could survive it."

Castle wasn't sure what the woman was talking about but he recognized her voice and remembered that he was only lying in this bed because of something his fiancé had done to him. Wait – ex-fiancé. Yeah, now he remembered. His chest ached and he couldn't stop the slow trickle of tears the eked their way out of the corner of his undamaged eye.

'_Beckett did this to me. It's her fault. I never would have been on that damned plane if she'd just listened but no – she had to jump to conclusions and refuse to listen to the truth.'_

He squeezed his eye shut to try and stop the 'unmanly' tears but he felt someone press a kiss against his eyelid and wipe the tears away with something soft.

"Hey, I know you're hurting but all you have to do is 'grunt' or something and I'll mash the pain button and get you relief. You broke both wrists, got God's-own shiner and I'll bet your jaws ache. Rick, you should see your face – you're going to be gloriously purple for days but I so damned glad you're alive that I don't care what you look like."

Beckett had called her and explained the delays in getting a flight out and Natalie had told her, in a round-about way, that she would check in on Castle for her if she was allowed. Natalie wasn't asking permission but suggesting that maybe the Marines wouldn't let her see Rick.

"No! You go there and let him know I'm on the way. I don't want him left alone for a single second. Natalie, tell him I love him and that I'm on the way. I can't thank you enough for – "

"Beckett, I have to go. Let me know when the flight arrives and I'll have someone from Production pick you guys up and handle further transportation."

"Rick, Kate called you. She's having trouble getting a flight but she'll be here just as soon as she can. She told me to tell you that she lov– "

"No. No. Don't wanna – no. No Beckett. Oh, crap, hurts."

Natalie mashed the button that infused the IV with the pain killer and tried not to smile. He didn't want to see Beckett.


	6. Chapter 6

It's me, the cliche, formula, unoriginal retired writer with another unoriginal, cliche-riddled spew of vomit for you.

White Lies  
>Chapter 6<p>

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Hospital<p>

He was tired but couldn't sleep. His mind was flitting from subject to subject, dwelling on things he hadn't thought about in years but carefully avoiding one area that his mind had decided was 'forbidden territory', his relationship with Kate.

He listened patiently, like he had a choice, as Natalie talked about the final production issues, the antics of her son and finally about how 'your girlfriend is having trouble getting a flight out of New York but she'll be here soon, Rick'.

He figured Natalie was being kind to him. He no longer had a 'girlfriend'. He understood exactly where he stood with Kate – somewhere outside. He'd done nothing wrong but had been punished as if he had. No investigation, no evidence, no trial, no sentence, just the punishment part.

He sighed and Natalie interpreted as his needing another 'hit' and so she juiced him up with the 'good stuff' that was the last thing he wanted or needed. If Kate was coming, unless he'd imagined it, he needed to be fully aware.

While he slept, Natalie made phone calls. She arranged transportation for Beckett and Dr. Parish to Palm Springs, respecting Kate's desire to rent a vehicle so she'd have wheels to go back and forth to the hospital. She also reserved two rooms in Beckett's name for Kate and Lanie. She'd been a good girl, helping Kate make it to Rick's side.

Natalie called Beckett and advised her of her transportation and her local motel reservations and was surprised at how good it felt to tell Kate all she'd done. Castle was definitely rubbing off on her. She wanted some of her to rub off on him.

"Natalie, how badly hurt was he? I'm handing the phone to Lanie to interpret any med-speech."

"Well, he's got two broken wrists from flying into the seats in front of him when the plane crashed. Something hit him hard in the face and one eye is totally swollen shut and he had problems opening his mouth but the jaw is definitely _not_ broken."

"Natalie, did they say anything about neurological problems? It sounds like he took a pretty good whack to the head." Lanie was glad Natalie was on-site. She didn't want to deal with another doctor who might be protective of his turf.

She chatted with Lanie and then hung up saying that she needed to find a charger for her phone.

* * *

><p>JFK Airport<p>

Kate heard her page and went to find 'a white courtesy phone' while Lanie spoke with Natalie Rhodes. She vowed to herself to be extra nice to Natalie because of her own horrible comments to her. She didn't deserve the treatment she was getting from the actress. If the situation had been reversed, she'd have told Kate to go to hell.

"This is Kate Beckett. You have a page for me?"

"One moment, Ms. Beckett. I'm transferring this call to a local TransCon representative. Please hold. This may take a moment or two to locate the rep and connect."

'_What the hell do these people want now?'_

"Ms. Beckett, this is Myra Johnson. I'm the local TransCon representative. I've been trying to locate you and your Precinct Captain told me where you were. Stay put. A tram will be coming within 20 minutes and we'll have you on-board our jet within 30 minutes. We've been cleared directly into 29 Palms Marine Training Base and we'll have you and your fiancé reunited within 6 hours. I'm so happy that he's alive and getting such excellent care. Your luggage will be located and delivered to the plane or flown to you as soon as possible."

Kate sagged against the wall. She should have called TransCon and laid a guilt trip on them. She'd been here 5 hours and if she'd had her head on straight, she could have been at his side.

"Oh, God, thank you, Ms. Johnson. There are two of us. Dr. Lanie Parish will be accompanying me."

"No problem. I'm just so happy for you."

* * *

><p>Kate found Lanie holding two coffees and staring out the windows at all the planes lined up for departure. She couldn't imagine how Kate was coping because she knew if Esposito had been in the same situation.<p>

"Hey, good news." She filled her in between sips on her coffee. A tram came by and a man held up a sign reading 'Beckett/Parish' and the pair identified themselves and got on board. Thirty minutes later their flight was given priority clearance and was on the way to California.

Kate called Natalie but had to leave a voice mail regarding the changes in location and arrival times. She figured that the actress was with Castle and cell phones weren't allowed. Lanie had filled her in on Rick's injuries and she was so grateful that someone like Natalie was there with him.

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Hospital<p>

Castle's doctor had come in and examined the incision in his chest and then double-checked the stitches above his eyebrow and seemed satisfied with his patient's progress. His EKG monitor showed no anomalies and he breathed a sigh of relief. He'd checked with other surgeons and they'd all expressed a sense of disbelief that his patient had survived the crash let alone a trauma so massive and the surgery to repair the injury.

"Mr. Castle, you're a miracle man. You should be dead and yet, here you are, still alive and kicking. Here's what you can expect – annoying pain from your facial injuries, some muscle aches and pains from the trauma of the crash but your heart is the real miracle. It's strong and shows no significant signs of any lasting damage. I'm going to transfer you to a civilian hospital in a few days for a normal period of recuperation and then you can go home. I just want to monitor your heart before releasing you. It's just to be safe."

Castle just nodded. It hurt to talk. His jaws ached and he didn't want any more pain killers and had hidden the pain device from Natalie who seemed to think that 'stoned was best' for him. She mashed the damned button at the least provocation – a grunt, a groan from moving around in the bed – anything set her off.

"Just keep the excitement levels to a minimum for a week or two. You will have to see a cardiologist back in New York for a schedule of activities but as I said, you're a walking miracle. Three months and you'll be good as new, less, if you continue recovering at your current rate."

He turned to Natalie, assuming she was his 'significant other' and that she'd be with Castle during his recovery.

"Ms. Rhodes, you'll need to keep him walking, but no stairs at first. Walking is good for him. He'll need help dressing, bathing, pretty much everything so you'll need to check into home health agencies once you two get back home. Oh, and no air travel. Ground only until his cardiologist clears him. No sense risking his progress if he had problems with altitude changes. And no sexual activity until he's given a clean bill of health by this own physician."

Natalie didn't answer but she was watching Rick like a hawk. When the doctor mentioned New York he'd frowned in disapproval or distaste. He'd blushed and glanced at her when the doctor mentioned bathing and dressing and sexual activity. She knew he was pretty much limited in what he could do because of his broken wrists.

"Thanks, Doctor. I'll call Rick's agent and she can arrange everything." She saw Rick's face relax in relief at her comment. She knew he wasn't thinking clearly and obviously needed help with even the little things.

* * *

><p>Once the doctor left, Natalie resumed her position, sitting on the bed beside him and holding onto the fingertips of his right hand.<p>

"I know this has been really scary, Rick, but you're on the mend now. Soon Beckett will be here and you two can make up and then plan on how to get your broken self back to New York and home. I'm sure your daughter and mother are anxious to see you. I know I would be if I were in their place."

He frowned again. He didn't look forward to his confrontation with Beckett. He knew that he still loved her but he questioned the depth of hers for him. She had reacted angrily without even allowing him to explain a damned thing. That angered him and made him wonder about the whole engagement business.

He hurt all over and he had trouble talking but he figured if things got too heated someone from the hospital staff would intercede. He didn't want to make a scene but he had to have answers to his questions, assurances for his concerns.

The only person he felt he could trust right now was Natalie because she seemed to bend over backwards to tell him how sorry Kate was and how much Kate loved him.

She seemed to be trying to convince herself of Kate's feelings for him as much as she was Castle.

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Training Base<br>Air Station

The TransCon executive business jet landed 20 minutes ahead of schedule. Lanie and Kate were led off the plane to a car that would take them to the Base Hospital. Their luggage had miraculously made the flight and would be taken to their motel. TransCon was footing the bill for everything.

"Kate, remember, he's in a lot of pain right now so handle him with care. No hugging and I think you should keep the lip locks to a minimum. He's got facial contusions and from what Natalie said, he can barely move his jaw but it's not broken. Talk to him, Kate. I'll drag Natalie out for coffee and a 'thanks a bunch but you can go now' conversation."

"We owe Natalie a great deal of thanks, Lanie, and I don't want to run her off. She's been Castle's anchor for the time he's been here and I don't want him to think I'm ungrateful."

* * *

><p>29 Palms Marine Hospital<p>

Lanie and Kate checked in with the reception desk and were issued visitor identification badges that allowed them 24-hour visitor privileges. Having a famous high-profile author as a patient had brought the hospital and its staff civilian scrutiny and all the stops had been pulled to assure that the image of the hospital was untarnished.

"I don't see any press, not that I'm complaining." The receptionist laughed. "You should have been here yesterday. The local police kept them at a fair distance but the Shore Patrol had a field day arresting paparazzi and 'escorting' them off the base. Things are pretty calm today."

They were escorted to Castle's room and were surprised to see Natalie in the corridor just outside the room, leaning against the wall and softly crying.

Kate pulled her into a fierce hug and whispered her thanks and then straightened Natalie up and asked her quietly why she was crying.

"He's in so much pain and won't use the morphine dispenser. He just lies there and grunts. The doctor here said it was holding back his recovery and he just glared at him. He's being transferred to a civilian facility in a few days but only if his condition stabilizes or improves. Talk to him, Kate. Maybe you can get it through his thick skull that pain is not good."

She shoveled it on Kate, maximizing the guilt. He was in pain but not as much as she alluded to. She wanted Beckett to feel emotional pain for causing this in the first place.

"Natalie, let's you and me find the cafeteria and some coffee and you can fill me in on what you _didn't_ tell me on the phone." She knew Natalie had been holding something back for Kate's sake. Once again she felt bad that she'd had such 'impure thoughts' about Natalie in the past. Kate was right. She did deserve their thanks.

* * *

><p>They left Beckett standing outside the door to his room. She looked in but he looked like he was asleep so she crept in and took the chair that Natalie had obviously moved to be as close to him as possible. Kate didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.<p>

She spoke his name very quietly. "Rick? It's me, Kate. I'm here, sweetheart, and I'm not going to leave your side until we get back home. I've got leave from work and Lanie's with me to interpret the med-speech we'll run into. I love you, Rick, and I'm so damned sorry to have caused you this pain."

She grasped the end of his fingertips and held on to them. She promised herself that she wouldn't let go until things were right between them again.

* * *

><p>Cafeteria<p>

Lanie thanked Natalie for all she'd done and asked if she'd been totally honest about the extent of Castle's injuries. "Natalie, I got the feeling there was something you weren't telling me. His injuries, that's the extent of them, right, just what you told me?"

"No, Lanie, there's more. He – somehow – well, crap. Castle got harpooned by something. He's got a hole in his chest and heart. They fixed it and he's fine but it's the major reason he's doped up. They don't want him excited. The doc here said it was just like open heart surgery and the recovery time could be months but he would leave that up to Castle's New York cardiologist."

"A h-hole? Did I hear you right? A hole?"

"Yeah. That was my reaction, too. Beckett's lucky he didn't die, Lanie. The docs here are amazed that he's still alive, seriously. Amazed."

* * *

><p>Castle's Room<p>

A sudden movement of his bed woke him. She'd somehow managed to lie down beside him and had one arm under his head and was whispering to him about how much she loved him and how sorry she was for his injuries and pain.

"Nat, no, don't. Get off, please. I have to talk to Kate. I have to explain things and then – "

"It's me, Kate, sweetheart. I finally got a flight and I'm here until you're ready to go home. This is all my fault and I'm so ashamed and sorry but I was just so damned mad when – "

"Stop. Not now. Please." He fumbled around for the pain device but couldn't handle it. "Beckett, push the button for me, please. Hurts." The pain in his chest was like a hot throbbing burn and he could hardly keep from crying out.

She leaned over him and took the control and pushed the 'Relief' button and set it on his thigh where he could reach it.

"Oh, honey, you can't even push the button by yourself" she managed through her tears. Kate watched as the drug released the tension in his face and arms and he slipped back to sleep.

She eased off the bed and sat back down on the chair. She'd already caused him enough pain. He thought she was Natalie at first and his words had warmed her. Maybe this time they'd get it right. Maybe this time _she'd_ get it right.

She heard Lanie call her from the hall and when she turned, she saw Lanie's face and walked quietly out of the room.

"He's in pain. He thought I was Natalie and basically told her to get out. Why the long face? He's alive and on the mend, right? Right?"

"Kate, there's something you have to know before you talk to him."


	7. Chapter 7

Short but I'm trying to bring all the unfinished stuff current so just bear with me.

OM

* * *

><p>Rest &amp; Recuperation<br>Chapter 7

29 Palms Marine Hospital

"He has a what?" She was stunned and certain she'd misunderstood what her friend had said. _'People don't live with holes in their hearts – oh, God, no!'_

"He has a hole in his heart. It's been repaired and that's the large bandage on his sternum but he can't get overly excited nor can he just bounce around like we know our boy is prone to do."

"He's not going to die, is he, Lanie? You'd tell me if it was - "

"Kate, they wouldn't be transferring him if he were in critical condition so just calm down. Fear is infectious and if Castle senses your fear, even subconsciously, it'll add stress and delay his recovery. I'm serious here, Kate Beckett. PMA all the way."

"PMA?"

"Positive Mental Attitude. Now, let's go see the man who lived through a plane crash. I swear the man would fall into a vat of fecal matter and emerge clean as a whistle."

"He's asleep, Lanie. He was in pain and couldn't even push the damned button for relief because of his casts. He's helpless without someone with him. I wasn't kidding when I said I owe Natalie big time."

"You don't owe me squat, Beckett." Natalie had come back to the room to say her goodbyes. She needed to get home to David.

"Natalie, I do so. If you hadn't been here with Castle – "

"You owe that man in that hospital bed an apology of epic proportions. He's there because of you and your damned temper and distrust. Why didn't you answer his calls? Why didn't you let him explain?"

"I was angry and hurt. You don't know what it sounded like. You answered his phone late at night…"

"Bull! We'd just got back from shopping for school clothes for my son. Castle helped me out. I had no idea what I was doing. He'd been up since 4am and it was all he could do to make it back to his room and crash on a chair."

"I didn't consider the time difference. I screwed up but you said – "

"I meant he was all guy. He hit it off with my son and they both hated the damned mall. That's all I meant. He doesn't 'shop'. All this damned drama could have been avoided if you'd just acted a little less like a cop and a little more like a woman in love. Why did it take an act of God to get you to realize – never mind. I should just keep my big mouth shut. I have to head on home. I have a son who needs me and you're finally here where you belong. I just came to say goodbye to him but he's asleep."

"Natalie – " Kate was appalled. She had screwed up but hadn't wanted to share it with the entire world but she'd gotten loud and Natalie hadn't held back one bit.

"Let her go, Kate. I'll walk her out to the parking lot and calm her down. It's been a long day for her, too, and she has to drive all the way back to L.A. Maybe she can take your room since I doubt you'll leave Castle. I'll talk to her."

* * *

><p>Lanie followed Natalie out the door and stood in front of her Mustang, stopping her from leaving the lot. She could see through the windshield that Natalie Rhodes was in tears. She walked over to the car and made 'roll down the window' motions.<p>

"Look. I know you're tired and emotional strung out. Why don't you take one of our rooms at the motel and rest? You definitely don't want to drive as upset as you are. You have a son, right? Well, he needs his mom alive, not in some ditch, dead because she fell asleep at the wheel."

"I can't, Lanie. I have to get back to my son. He's so upset about Rick's accident. The guy made such a hit with my son. He hasn't had a man in his life. I don't bring guys home. Hell, that's all image for the studio. I'm a single mom with a son. Castle took us out for pizza before hitting the mall. I needed advice on school clothes. David starts first grade and I didn't want him dressed funny, y'know? Rick was so cool with David."

"He's an amazing father. You never met Alexis. Little Castle is smart, articulate and witty and _nice_, just like her dad. He raised her alone, too. A single dad. There're some interesting parallels between you two. His mom's an actress – Martha Rogers – and she raised Rick like you're raising your son."

"His mom is Martha Rogers? Wow! I know her."

"Then you probably know Alexis' mother, Meredith Rogers? The vamp slut – " Lanie hated Meredith from their one and only meeting.

Natalie started to laugh. "Vamp slut! I love it. And I hate her with a passion normally reserved for people who torture small animals. He was married to that…words fail me. I thought he had better taste but then again, he was engaged to Beckett."

"_IS_ engaged, Natalie. This was all just a horrible misunderstanding, that's all. Normally, they'd have made up in a few hours but with the plane crash, they didn't have the chance."

"You can't marry someone you don't trust, Lanie. You know that. I know that. Castle knows that she doesn't trust him. That's why I'll bet you $20 that he calls it off. She hurt him, Lanie. Don't look for him to come crawling back. A thing like this, a life-changing thing, it makes you think and he's already told me how angry he is with her."

Lanie was torn between hearing the truth about her friend and loyalty to her.

"Give them time, Natalie. That's all they'll need. This thing with his heart might turn out to be a Godsend. It'll make her think about what she's done and maybe they'll solve the trust issue. We appreciate what you've done but I think your son needs you so don't let me keep you."

She turned and walked quickly back to the hospital. She needed to talk with Rick's physician and get the specifics from a fellow professional, not the generalities she knew that Natalie had pass on to them. She doubted that the doctor would have passed on specifics about after-care to someone not responsible for his patient after discharge.


	8. Chapter 8

R&R

29 Palms Marine Base  
>Base Hospital<p>

Kate Beckett stood in the corridor while the doctor examined Rick and changed his dressing. Lanie was coming down the hall and she was glad her friend was here to interpret the doctor's medical terms and to ask questions she knew Kate needed to know the answers to but wouldn't think to ask.

The doctor walked out and saw Kate and smiled but frowned when he saw Lanie bearing down on him. He liked the little fireball medical examiner but he wished she'd be a little less threatening in her questioning.

"How is he, doctor? Any improvement?"

"Ms. Beckett, it's only been 24 hours since the operation. Even God needed 6 days to make the world." Patients' wives and girlfriends were always the most demanding of improvement, even more so than patients.

"He had a hole in his heart, doctor, and he's still alive. I just need some kind of timeline so I can take a leave of absence from the department. You told Natalie that he couldn't fly for months so I'll need to find a place nearby."

"Uh, it's not my place to criticize the local talent, Ms. Beckett, but you might want to consider San Diego or L.A. if you want top-notch cardiac care, not 29 Palms or even Palm Springs."

Lanie smiled a genuine smile at the doctor and thanked him for his personal integrity. A lot of docs would just look the other way at incompetence of a colleague but not this one. The Marines were lucky to have him and she told him so.

"Just don't repeat it outside this hospital. I'm getting out of the Crotch soon and entering private practice and the local Medical Society already thinks I have horns and a tail."

Kate's cell phone vibrated and she took the call saying to Lanie, "It's Esposito. Maybe they've spoken to Martha and Alexis." Then to Esposito, "Javier, any luck finding Alexis and Martha?"

"Hello to you too, Detective Beckett. Yeah. The embassy somehow got hold of them and they're flying out tomorrow to New York then on to L.A. They'll call you once they get back into civilized territory. I told them just what you told me – that he's alive and doing as well as can be expected."

"Anything else? Want to talk to Lanie?" Lanie glared at Kate but snatched to phone from her hand and walked down to corridor searching for an exit.

* * *

><p>Kate took a cleansing breath and walked into Rick's room.<p>

"Hey, Rick, are you awake? I need to tell you some things and then maybe we can just sit and talk like we used to before we go so involved?"

He hated her a little. He told himself _this will pass when I don't hurt so damned much_ but he was afraid, too. _What if it isn't transient? What if it's how I really feel now?_

There wasn't much he could do so he had no idea what she was going on about. Her voice had a nasal quality he'd never noticed before or was it just his imagination and the drugs?

"Please look at me so I know you're still awake. If you're in any pain, use the management thing and we'll pick up where we leave off later. Please, Rick, I don't want you in any more pain because of me."

She'd unconsciously stressed 'more' in her sentence. He was a wordsmith and knew the subtleties of the spoken and written word. He looked at her with that questioning look that she'd come to associate with impatient curiosity.

"The US Embassy has located your mother and Alexis and they're flying out here to L.A. as soon as they can. I had Esposito lean on some friends because I didn't want them finding out you were dead when you weren't. They'll call as soon as they get someplace civilized."

He hadn't thought about his mother or daughter and if truth be told, he hadn't given any thought to the world thinking he was dead. That surprised him and the more he thought about it, the less like him that it seemed. Beckett seemed to be wrestling with something monumental and he really wasn't up for more of her breast-beating. He was tired even though it hadn't been all that long since he'd slept, aided by his own personal pharmaceutical device.

Her eyes started to fill with tears. This was the really hard part for Kate. Being open and honest about – feelings – especially when she was at fault and needed to sincerely apologize.

"Rick, I've had a lot of boyfriends and I've slept with a few of them, okay, a _lot_ of them – hey, not all that many, really. _You_ were the first one I stayed the night with, the first one I ever woke up next to in the morning and I loved it. You were the first man to wake up in any of my apartments in the morning with me wrapped around him. It just wasn't me, wasn't Kate Becket, who did those things. I always made them leave. But not you. I asked you to stay."

"And now, Rick, I'm asking if _I_ can stay. I'll leave if you want me to. I understand how angry you are with me even if you haven't said you are. I understand how my fears of being hurt, of being betrayed, brought us here, to this point in time."

"I expected you to be just like I thought you were when we first met and when I called and Natalie answered the phone I thought '_yes, he's exactly like I thought he was in the beginning' _but I was wrong but never let you explain. I had my evidence and I pronounced you guilty and I lashed out in pain and anger and hurt and betrayal and I hurt you more than I ever dreamed possible and I'm so sorry for what I've done, for being the untrusting bitch I've been."

Castle just looked at her, angry that she would unload all that emotional baggage on him here and now and touched that she cared enough about them to do it.

He started to say something, anything, to stop her rambling because it wasn't necessary but still she kept going on and the more she talked the more he ached for her and the more his heart seemed to ache for real.

"So, Rick, if you want me to leave and go back to New York alone I will. I'll always love you, Rick, but I will understand why it has to be that way. I'll miss you, Rick. I love you with all my heart but sometimes it's not enough, is it?"

"It _is_ enough for me. Stay, Kate, but only if you can throw off all this damned guilt that will kill us if you don't."

He ran out of the strength to speak and just his lips moved trying to say what he felt and she panicked thinking something more was wrong that just the simple fact that he tired so easily.

"Kate!" He tried to shout but it came out as a whisper. He closed his eyes and wondered how long it would be before the nurses stormed into his room, incited by Beckett's panic.

His last thought before he slipped away was that every deep and emotional conversation they'd ever had always been about her.


	9. Chapter 9

Light Bulb Musings

29 Palms Marine Base  
>Base Hospital<p>

"Ms. Beckett, he just experienced a panic attack, that's all. Shortness of breath is to be expected. He's no spring chicken and the trauma he's suffered would freak anyone out. He passed out because he refused to breathe – wait, not refused – couldn't, really. I asked you not to get him all wound up and now I'm telling you – whatever you did, _**don**__**'**__**t **__**do **__**it **__**again**_."

The nurse had come in and injected something into his IV port that softened all the sharp edges of the world and he floated along, just letting his mind run free.

_Q: How many Becketts does it take to change a light bulb?_

_A: One. She just hangs on to it and waits for the world to revolve around her._

He laughed out loud, startling the nurse that was finishing up taking his blood pressure. She looked at him and smiled, curious to hear what he could possibly find funny enough to laugh out loud.

"Sorry. Private joke. Really funny until you realize it's true. Must be the drugs. Good stuff. Can I get another hit from you magic needle?"

The nurse was smiling when she walked out of his room and gave Kate a sympathetic look. "He's higher than a kite and as charming as a snake. I'll bet he's a handful when he gets frisky!"

Kate blushed a deep red and let her mind float back to the last time he'd been 'frisky'.

'_Breathe – just breathe and let it happen again. Oh, God, not that!'_

_She'd tried to push him away because the teasing of his tongue and the heat of his lips on her was driving her mad with desire and the need to have him inside of her but the handcuffs behind her back rendered her hands useless – just as she playfully suggested. _

_It had been her idea – the handcuffs – and now she was loving every second but wishing – no – praying – that he'd stop finding new 'playgrounds' everywhere on her body. When he ran his lips over her ribs in an open mouthed kiss she swore her heart was jumping out of her chest and when he licked the fine sheen of perspiration from her breasts, she thought she'd go mad._

"Ms. Beckett, I asked if you wanted to go back in to see him? It's okay. We're done with him. Just don't get him so worked up, okay?"

_He's going to take one look at me and he'll know and then he'll lick his lips and – oh, my God, I'm getting hot just thinking about – _

"Oh, yeah." _It__'__s __not __him __that__'__s __getting __all __worked __up __here. __Six __weeks __without __a __Castle __Classic__…__I__'__ll __be __so __ready __to __jump __his __bones._

* * *

><p>Kate walked back in and resumed her position at his side, resting her palm on his forearm and rubbing it lovingly not daring to look at him. But she did.<p>

He gave her one of his brightest smiles and then, oh God, he ran the tip of his tongue across his lips.

"Thirsty, Honey? Wait a second." Kate got a glass and filled it with ice water from a plastic pitcher and put a flexible straw in it and leaned over and held it so he could sip the water.

She couldn't help herself. She wiped of a droplet of water from the corner of his mouth and then gently kissed his lips, running the tip of her tongue over them.

"I'm sorry. I just had to do that, Castle. When I get you home and healthy – " He smiled, knowing what she was hinting at.

"Rick, I want to laugh with you, y'know, Eskimo laugh, for the rest of my life." She leaned over him and whispered, "And I want you to use the handcuffs again, baby, ohhhh" and she laughed as his face got red and he flashed that smile that was normally followed by some fooling around. She wanted that back.

There was a voice in the hallway demanding to see 'My husband, Richard Castle. Where is he?"

Castle looked up at her and whispered, "Save me, Kate. Hide me. Don't let her near me. It's Meredith and she'll overwhelm us, use us and then discard us like yesterday's newspaper."

The nurse had been right. He was higher than a kite but right about Meredith Rogers' presence. She was overwhelming. It was always about the drama diva and her needs, her wants, her publicity.

Kate moved quickly and intercepted her in the hall. "I'm Kate Beck – "

"I know who you are. I also know just what you are. You're the reason he's here instead of in Los Angeles or New York. Well, I want to see him with my own eyes and make sure he's all right. Step aside, please. I _really_have to make sure he's okay."

Kate blinked and then felt her eyes begin to burn. How did she know – how _could_ she know?

"Fine, but don't upset him. He's just coming out of a panic attack and I don't want you jeopardizing his recovery. Do not upset him, Meredith, or you'll find yourself on the 'Do not admit' list."

Meredith just snorted and stepped around Kate and gasped.

"Oh, Ricky, what have you done to yourself? Everything's going to be fine, darling, I'm here for you. Well, until tomorrow when I leave for Asia."

Rick raised an eyebrow at her comment. Beckett would have company on the light bulb-changing ladder – Meredith would be able to give her pointers.

Kate was standing in the doorway, leaning casually against it, but watching Meredith like a hawk. One hand. If she laid one hand on Rick…

"That's what I wanted to discuss, Ricky. I'll be gone for 3 months and I know you'll want to recover without all the drama of New York so I'm giving your – your girlfriend the keys to the Canyon house and, of course, the beach house. I want you both to stay there and recuperate in comfortable surroundings."

Rick raised an eyebrow almost imperceptibly but Kate knew it was a question for _her_ to answer.

"Why, Meredith, that's the answer to our prayers. Rick can't fly and a cross-country trip is just too much for him right now. Thank you, we accept your kind offer and hope you enjoy your trip. I'll leave you two to reminisce. Lanie's leaving tomorrow and I'd like the chance to thank her, too. Remember what I said, Meredith – about the panic attack."

Kate pushed off the wall and left, a huge smile on her face. The major concern she and Lanie had had was taken care of by, of all people, Castle's ex-wife!

* * *

><p>Canyon House<br>Los Angeles, CA

The ambulance ride to Meredith's home was hard on Castle but he never said a word, just catnapping and then waking with a start, he'd see that Kate was still sitting in the uncomfortable jump seat and he'd stare at her or smile and then go back to a restless sleep.

The two ambulance attendants got Rick situated in the master bedroom and then carried in the couple's meager luggage and departed leaving Kate and Rick really alone for the first time since the crash. Kate was tired and stiff but kept remembering Lanie's parting words.

* * *

><p>2 Days Prior<br>Palm Springs Airport

"Lanie, I can't begin to thank you for being here with me. I – "

"Kate, you're my best friend. Where else would I be? Now, some words of wisdom – grovel, beg, whatever it takes, but get this behind you and Rick. He's going to be sore and achy for weeks and you're not known for your compassion. _Katherine__Beckett_, do not give me that look. He going to bite your head off and hate you when you fuss over his but suck it up and do it. You'll both be grateful in the end. Now, I gots to get my fine fanny back to N-Y and a certain Puerto Rican hunk that talking on the phone to is just not enough."

"I'll try, Lanie. Really. I just don't want to smother him."

"Don't blow it, Kate. You'll only get one chance at this. Take advantage of the isolation and work your magic on him. Just don't take 3 years this time, okay?"

"I'll try, Lanie. I – "

"What are you – a broken record? Don't try, do."

* * *

><p>Canyon House<br>Los Angeles, CA

Rick was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to remember the layout of the house he and Meredith had purchased 18 years ago. It was not furnished in the same way it had been when he'd received the first major book deal and an advance that allowed them more left after expenses than the price of a Happy Meal. Back then, all they needed was a bed. And a kitchen set. They were young and stupid and thought making love and the occasional meal would be enough.

The view out the window hadn't changed much but he'd judge it better when it was dark and the city lights were aglow. Rich now it looked like it had the last time he'd been in this bed and that was 10 years ago. He was definitely done with deep-fried twinkies now that he had Beckett in his life.

He frowned for a moment, remembering a meadow with dead grass that crackled under foot but shook it off when he heard Kate asking if he felt like lunch or something to drink.

"I'd really like to use the john but I'll be damned if I can remember where it is, Kate. It used to be where the walk-in closet is now. It was there when we bought the place. Can you find it?"

She turned away to cover a moment of sadness and jealousy. _…__when __we __bought __the __place__…_

"Just sit tight, Rick. I'm on the case." She found it right where he said it had been. Meredith had just installed mirror doors on the entire wall. The walk-in closet was beside the bathroom entrance – an easy mistake for someone to make.

Kate helped him in and was going to stand by in case he needed anything but he just gave her the hairy eyeball and she scooted out but stood near the door for safety's sake. She heard the flush and then another sound – oh, a bidet. She blushed deeply realizing she hadn't considered the need to – '_oh,__hell __this __was __going __to __be __a __journey __of _discovery _for __the __both __of __us_'.

"Hungry, sweetheart?" after getting him back into bed – well, lying on the thick comforter.

"Yeah, a little but it'll keep." He thumped the bed beside him with his cast, his way of patting, and smiled. "You look tired, Kate. Lie down beside me and take a nap. You're tired after the trip, I can tell. I napped but you were always there watching me. Now it's my turn."

"Uh, Rick, I'm down the hall – "

"What? Why?" His mind flew through various rationales that Beckett could contrive but nothing seemed to fit the situation or her response.

"I don't want to risk hurting you. I've hurt you enough already."

"Beckett, get your sweet fanny over here. Just don't expect a Classic for a while, okay? Not quite up to it but I'll be back on my feet in no time."

She didn't need to hear it twice. She kicked off her shoes and pulled the tank top she wore over her head and slipped off the skinny jeans and lay down beside him, not touching him but rolling over on her side so she could see him.

"Rick, what do you remember about the crash itself? Do you blame me? Do you hate me somewhere down inside where it'll fester and rot and finally kill us? I need to know, Rick. I won't cry and I won't leave, but I have to know. I _need_ to know."

"Kate, I don't even remember getting on the plane. I remember grabbing the very last seat way in the back and feeling very lucky to have gotten it. That's my last memory of that day. Everything before that is pretty jumbled up but I remember nothing at all after getting my boarding pass."

"I – I'm sorry. It was my fault but you haven't answered my question. Do you blame me? Do you hate me?"

"Kate, I'm going to marry you. I couldn't hate you, baby, ever. I'm just not wired that way. Now, please, skooch over here and let me at least put an arm around you. These casts…"

* * *

><p>It was dark when Kate woke up but Rick was still asleep so she eased her way from under his arm and dressed and went to the kitchen.<p>

Meredith had left a list of cardiologists, orthopedists and several physical therapists and personal trainers for them. She also told them to 'exercise my cars' weekly and not to worry about cleaning. The service came once a week and a maid came weekly and would do the washing and ironing.

Kate felt guilty for her original feelings towards Meredith at the hospital. She carried a lot of guilt around and felt that she had to unburden herself somehow and figured if she just talked to her future husband, he'd help her root out her fears.

Her biggest fear: that he would turn inward and lose the spark that made him so special to her. She had an idea and at first blush it seemed ridiculous but if she would bring Natalie and her son back into the equation and let Rick see that she wasn't jealous or untrusting of their friendship.

Kate whipped up omelets and fried some ham and took Rick a tray. She was balancing the tray and trying to open the door at the same time.

Castle half woke and wondered why it was dark. His consciousness still lagged behind and when he couldn't move his fingers and felt weighted down, for just a moment he was back in the broken plane, upside down and freezing cold.

He couldn't stop the gut-wrenching scream of "Kate!"


	10. Chapter 10

Just a bridge chapter to set the stage. I've been sadly neglectful of my 31 dedicated readers. Sorry.

OM

* * *

><p>Canyon House<br>Los Angeles, CA

The tray with his juice and omelet and ham went sailing as Beckett pushed open the door. Rick was on his back, eyes squeezed shut and definitely hyperventilating.

She was beside him in a second, running her hands across his sweaty face and whispering to him that it was all a bad dream and that she was here and he was safe with her.

"Breathe, Rick, breathe slowly and listen to my voice. You're safe and you're in bed and I'm right here beside you. Nice, deep, breaths. There's nothing wrong, Rick. You just had a bad dream. Can you tell me about it? It helps to talk about them so we can make them go away. Talk to me, Rick, please?"

"Can't. Not right now. Can't breathe!" He was panicking and Kate flew into the bathroom to get him one of his tranquilizers. He was supposed to take them before sleeping to avoid just this situation but they'd both been exhausted and she'd forgotten.

Kate helped him sit up and pushed the pill between his lips and helped him drink some water. His breathing had slowed and it seemed that he was more alert.

"Tell me about the dream, Rick. Tell me what you remember."

"I woke up and I couldn't more. It was dark and I thought I was back in the wreckage of the plane, hanging upside down in the dark."

She couldn't imagine the fear he must have felt. Kate got into the bed and together they maneuvered him so that she was behind him and he was leaning against her. Kate ran her fingertips lightly through his hair and kissed his cheek. His breathing was almost normal so she asked him more about the dream.

"I was hanging upside down in the seat. The people all around me were dead and hanging in their seats just like I was. It was so cold, Kate, and dark and I – I was afraid I'd never see you or Alexis again. I was so afraid – "

"I would have been terrified in your position. You have every right to feel the way you do but you're safe now. We're together and I won't let anyone hurt you if I can help it. Do you remember the crash? Anything at all?"

"I think I remember the plane breaking up but I'm not sure…"

"That's okay, sweetheart. I think we've got you calmed down. Now, if it's okay with you – "

_People __screaming, __praying, __the __open __sky, __people __being __sucked __out __of __their __seats __and __into __the __sky__…_

"I died, Kate. I remember now. I died. I woke up in a meadow covered with dead grass and some heavenly bureaucrat kept telling me I couldn't go back. I died…"

"Rick, listen. You did not die. You're alive and you're in bed and I'm right here, Honey, and we're going to have long lives together. I love you, Richard Castle, and not even Heaven itself will keep me from being with you for the rest of my life!"

"I have one woman in my life and I'm going to marry her if I have to wage war on Heaven itself." The look on his face was so fierce that she was afraid for a moment.

"Rick that's so sweet but – "

"No! It's true! I remember saying it and then Luci…"

"What? Who's Luci?"

"I – don't remember. Damn it, I can't remember. She had empty, desperate eyes, I remember that."

"That's enough for now. I'm going to leave the door open and clean up the mess I made and then I'll cook you something else. You need to eat something, Rick, and I need the practice. Please?"

"Okay, but leave the light on and the door open so I can see you, okay? I know it's childish, but just for tonight? Please?"

"Of course, and I'll keep talking so you'll know you're not alone and that I'm just a whisper away if you need anything."

He knew he wasn't alone. In the back of his mind, just below the threshold of hearing, there was a scuttling of rat's feet on cement, the sound of footsteps on a dead and grassy meadow and a whispered _'__I__'__ve __found __my __general __in __you,__Richard __Castle, __and __I __will __have __my __victory_.'

He awoke with a start and felt a wave of panic but tamped it down as he opened his eyes and took in his well-lit surroundings. He could hear Beckett prattling on about nothing important in the kitchen as she cooked something that smelled wonderful to him.

Nature was calling – loudly – and he threw back the covers and made his way to the bathroom. Thankfully, Beckett had left the mirrored door open otherwise - .

"Rick, sweetheart, are you alright in there?" She was standing at the door ready to assist him if he needed it. She couldn't imagine how she would have handled it if the situation were reversed.

_The situation wouldn't exist at all because he would never have behaved in such a high-handed manner. He would have asked questions, listened to the answers and together they would have laughed at any misconceptions._

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just admiring the needlepoint on my chest. Have you seen it? It's a little off-center and that really bugs me, y'know?"

Kate set down the tray and walked in and felt a frisson of lust when she saw him standing in front of the bathroom mirror in just his boxers. He'd lost a few pounds and he looked really good.

'_Down,__girl.__You __know __you __can__'__t __be __bone-jumping __for __at__least __6 __weeks.__'_ Lanie's voice in her head made her smile. She walked over behind him and looked at his reflection in the mirror and gasped. She'd never seen the scar where the surgeons had split him open to fix the hole in his heart. She could see the initial wound scar bisected by the surgeon's fine cut. It looked ragged and – and cauterized.

"It looks a lot better than I expected, Rick. And it's perfectly centered. Natalie was right – it does look like you were 'harpooned' by something. Do you remember what hit you, sweetheart?"

She watched her reflection reach around and gently run a fingertip down its length like she was trying to wipe it away and with it all the pain he must have felt. She pressed kisses into this shoulder and her other arm snaked around him and joined its mate, embracing him.

"I love you, Richard Castle. Now, come back to bed, baby, and let me feed you. You've lost weight, honey, and while I like the new you, I plan on fattening you up a bit. We'll take walks and build up your stamina and Meredith says she has a gym somewhere around here and there's a treadmill and – I'm getting ahead of us again, aren't I?"

She was surprised when he twisted around in her arms and brought his lips crashing down hungrily on hers, his tongue demanding entrance and as she opened up to receive him, he broke the kiss and laughed .

"What's so damned funny, Rick?" It had been almost like before the accident.

"I'm just glad I'm alive. I didn't think I'd ever feel your silky lips parting to allow my tongue entrance or feel your heart pounding against my chest like it is now. I'm the luckiest man alive, Kate Beckett."

The guilt and anguish she felt manifested itself in tears and she burst into them and buried her face in his neck, not wanting to see the look on his face. Alive. Loving.

"Kate, no more tears, please? You've cried enough to green the Sahara, my lover. No more tears unless they're happy tears, okay? I – I think I'd better sit down, no, wait, lie down. Yeah, flat and quiet for a moment. Diz – "

She felt him go 'rag doll' on her, literally, and only her hold around him kept him from falling. Beckett called on reserves she didn't know she had and somehow got him into bed and then went to the kitchen and dialed a physician that Meredith had marked as 'makes emergency house calls' and got his service. She left a hurried message and then went back to check on Castle.

After a cursory examination and after reviewing his charts that the Marine doctor had pressed on her saying 'believe me, it'll save him a lot on unnecessary probing and poking', he gave Kate his evaluation.

"Mrs. Castle, he's tired. Simply put, he's run out of steam. He's running on gas he doesn't have and it's taking a toll. Except for sitting up at the kitchen table to eat and the occasional stroll to the bathroom, I want him in bed."

Kate didn't correct his error. She liked 'Mrs. Castle'. It sounded right. Kate Castle. Mrs. Katherine Castle. Yeah.

"Now, beginning next week, if he's feeling up to it, he can sit out on the deck and enjoy the California sunshine for as long as he wants. A week after that he can begin short walks on flat terrain. You should consult his physician regarding physical therapy and rehab. And call the ortho guy's number. Casts? Positively medieval. A fiberglass frame will enable him to use his fingers and preclude loss of flexibility – a real possibility at his age."

Kate explained their situation and the doctor smiled. "I'll take over as primary physician and I'll contact a cardio doc from the list. Oh, no standing showers for the duration. His blood pressure drops a bit and he gets dizzy. Tub baths for at least a month, maybe longer. You won't mind that, will you?"

He almost leered and Kate resisted the urge to drive her knee into his groin. She hadn't appreciated all the attention he paid to her breasts and wished she'd worn a sweatshirt and bra but she'd been frantic and clothes had been the last thing on her mind.

"Now, I've written a prescription for a sleep aid. Make him take one and only one before he retires for the night. When you talk to a counselor, advise him or her about the prescription. They have my permission to discontinue the drug if they feel it's in your husband's best interests. So, I'll send him a bill and call if you need anything – anything at all."

There was that leer and the suggestive language and she felt her knee twitch but smiled and let the doctor leave.

Kate didn't trust her memory and had made the doctor write down his instructions while verbally giving them. Other than the suggestion that he was available 'to meet any of your personal needs at any time', they were pretty much the same as his verbal ones. Kate could almost feel the leer in his written words.

Sometime during the night, probably immediately after she fell asleep spooned against his side, her hand, of its own volition, had crept down beneath the waistband of his pajamas and taken him in her gentle grasp. She awoke first and pressed a kiss into his side and removed her wayward hand but not before giving him a gentle squeeze of appreciation and promise.

Today she'd call Natalie and ask her to come over and visit. Rick would get a kick out of seeing her son again and the two of them could entertain each other while Kate talked with Natalie. She planned on leaving them alone while she ran out and filled prescriptions and bought them both some clothes. Neither had planned on being away from home for an extended time.

Tomorrow would be another big day. Martha and Alexis were flying in and she had already arranged for a rental car for them. She was scared to death of their reaction to the entire affair. She planned on telling them everything that had happened, including the 'why' of it. She would talk with Rick about it later and gauge his reaction.

Kate was scrambling eggs when the house phone rang. It was the 'ortho guy' that 'Dr. Letcher' had recommended. _She_ wanted to see them both in her office before noon. When Kate explained about Rick's condition, she said, 'I don't make house calls but this is an exception. Casts! Positively punitive. They have to come off. I'll bring some braces and see about custom fittings later. They absolutely _must_ come off, Mrs. Castle."

Kate puffed hair from her face. Not even up and hour and her Great Plan was already in the crapper. She finished breakfast and took a tray into Rick's room. She had heard him up while she'd been on the phone and had cursed Meredith for not having portables around. She made a mental note to add that to her list of 'essentials'.

"Rick, breakfast. Want to risk life and limb and eat in the kitchen?" Oh, yeah. She could get used to the domesticity of being Mrs. Richard Castle.


	11. Chapter 11

I absolutely hate hospitals as a patient but really don't mind them as a visitor. It's quiet and the nursing staff bring you coffee and little pastries after they find out you're an American and have paid cash for your lady friend's treatment.

OM

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><p>Canyon House<br>Los Angeles, CA

Dr. Pharris dropped by on her way home from her office hours and promptly took charge of Castle, shooing Kate out onto the deck with instructions to 'make him comfortable' while she unlimbered her various vibrating saws and other tools.

"Now, Mr. Castle, it's important that you sit still and don't move. This won't hurt, I promise you and we'll have you fixed up in no time at all. Once you're fitted for a proper brace, your physical therapist will begin working on your hands."

It was immediately obvious why the removal was done outside. The plaster dust was everywhere by the time she'd removed the 2nd cast. Although very brusque in her speech, she was gentle and very careful with his arms, cutting off the gauze sleeve that protected the skin from the plaster with bandage scissors.

"There, all done. Now all I need are a few more moments of your time. I need to take a few photos of your arms and hands against this hex board and we'll slip on the temporary frames and I'll see you in a week or so when the permanent frames are fabricated."

All in all, it took just over an hour to remove and replace the casts with the temporary braces. Castle hadn't said a word, just watched while Kate chewed on her lower lip. His wrists were swollen and pasty white and the doctor pointed out several places where the casts had been too tight and would have possibly caused tendon stress and pain.

Promising to have the new braces fabricated in a week, she waved and was gone.

"Wow, intense lady. Reminds me of a detective I know in New York. Scary lady and very intense when working her craft."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Rick. Want to sit out here in the sun for a while or go back to bed?"

"Depends. Feel like a nap?" He smiled that special smile and Kate felt herself blushing. Damn it – he was in no shape for any fooling around. He's such a tease.

"Well, actually I was going to call Natalie and ask her if she could Castle-sit for a hour or so while I go down town and have these prescriptions filled and pick us up a few more clothes to wear. Is that okay?"

"Kate, this is California – clothes are optional." His eyes twinkled and she again felt herself blushing and cursing their luck.

"Okay – I'll just get the prescriptions and you can lay around naked and explain to Natalie's son why 'Castle ain't got no clothes on, Mommy'."

"Kate, just go. I don't think Natalie's presence here is such a good idea and I don't want David to see me like this. Just go but be careful. These idiots drive like there's no tomorrow. Think New York cab drivers on steroids with cell phones."

She laughed at the image and then helped him back into the house and into bed.

"When I come back I'll help you bathe. You're all covered with plaster dust. How do your hands feel?"

He wiggled his fingers and grimaced at how stiff they felt. "Stiff, but there's no pain in the wrists like I expected. I've never broken a bone and I expected a lot of pain. Pleasant surprise."

"I'll be back before you know it. If the phone rings, just let it go to the machine. I'll pick you up some t-shirts and boxers so you can lounge around in clean comfort."

"Maybe some sleep pants? If Alexis and Mother are coming tomorrow I can't sit around wondering if anything's hanging out on display. If it were just you and me, I wouldn't worry but Alexis – "

"Yeah, good thinking." She kissed him soundly and was gone before he could reach around her and drag her into his lap.

"You'll have to be faster than that, Rick. Behave. No excitement until you get a clean bill of health." _Damn it!_

* * *

><p>Despite what he'd told Beckett, he was exhausted but kept up a good front to keep her from feeling guilty. He heard the front door close and pushed himself off the bed and into the bathroom and washed himself as best he could and then slowly, very slowly, walked back to the bed. The 15 feet seemed like a mile and he was out of breath by the time he carefully situated himself in bed. He was asleep almost instantly.<p>

He dreamed of the crash, of 'Heaven' and the '40s' nightclub but was spared the episode in Luci's bed and the outcome. He awoke sweaty and nervous but remarkably rested and was just getting out of bed to use the bathroom when he heard the phone ring and his mother's voice on the answering machine.

'_Richard, please pick up if you're there. Kate, if you're there…Alexis and I are in New York and we're bringing a suitcase for Richard and we'll be in late tonight. We'll catch a cab from the airport and we'll be there around midnight. We can't wait to see you both.'_

* * *

><p>Beckett had taken the smallest of the four cars in Meredith's garage, a convertible, and was sitting in traffic, quietly fuming and grasping the reasons for California being the home of 'road rage'. Every idiot in the world had a cell phone glued to their ear while waiting for someone to make a mistake so they could change lanes since every other lane seemed to be progressing faster than theirs was.<p>

She had been sitting in the sun for over an hour and she just knew that she was going to have an interesting tan line since she'd been wearing a pair of sunglasses she'd found in the console.

'_I wonder if Rick would consider buying me a car like this when we get married?'_

She immediately hated herself for her thought. She was an independent woman and she didn't need a husband to buy her a car – even an Audi convertible. Finally seeing an opening in the lane leading to her turn, she changed lanes and laughed at the horns and fingers that greeted her lane change.

'_Fuck 'em. I need to get back to Rick before he does something stupid like…get out of bed. I told him an hour and it's been almost three…'_

* * *

><p>The trip to the bathroom had sucked the life out of him. He barely made it back to the bed before falling into an exhausted sleep. Like Kate, he'd forgotten the tranquilizer to stave off any dreams and so as he slept, he relived the destruction of his relationship with Beckett, and the crash, and the crushing fear of dying alone. But the thing that pushed him over the edge was a word-for-word remembering of his phone conversation, such as it was, with Beckett that had prompted his flight out of Los Angeles.<p>

He was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack when Kate returned and walked in to check on him.


End file.
